Rejection is one of my biggest fears.
I struggle with it daily.
As a single mom, it’s obvious I’ve experienced rejection in the past.
I want to be in a relationship. Sometimes my heart aches. I think about how it felt to have a companion. I don’t miss the person I was with, I miss having a confidant. Just having the same person to talk to day after day. The person who knows everything about you.
I want that person, yet I’m so afraid of rejection that I don’t really want to try to find that person. I feel like I’d rather be alone than face rejection again. And this carries over to not just a significant other, but every relationship ever.
Sometimes I’m so doubtful that I can’t even speak to certain people because of my fear of being rejected. But this fear is most strong when speaking to or thinking about someone who I could see myself in a relationship with.
The devil gets into my mind and says “why does no one want you? You’ll never find a good Christian guy because none of them would want you since you have kids.. you’re just not pretty enough.. you’re not what most guys want.. just give in to having premarital sex and you’ll find someone easier.. everyone else has someone except you… you’d be happy if you could just find someone who could help you provide… you wouldn’t have to work so hard if you’d just settle for someone who can provide for you, they don’t have to be a good Christian guy.. it’s okay if he is okay with premarital sex, just go for him… the guy you’ve been thinking about will never want you so just get over it.. you can’t handle being a wife on top of everything else… you’re a loser.. you’re so insecure… you’re a mess, no one will want to date you… you’re going to be stuck in the same situation forever.. just think about how lonely you are and how God wont tell you how long you’ll have to suffer…
I let him in. He gets in my mind before I even realize it’s him.
I look around and it seems like everywhere I go all I can see is couples. How can everyone else find someone and I can’t?
When these thoughts begin running through my mind, I stop to pray.
I hear God speak life into me, reminding me that I will never be rejected by him. That I am beloved.
Then I realize, if it wasn’t for rejection, I wouldn’t know what true love is. I wouldn’t be able to appreciate God’s unconditional love for me, if I had never been rejected. As I began praying and asking God to change my way of thinking, He renewed my mind.
I can now face my fear of rejection with an attitude of whatever happens, happens, and God will have my back no matter what.